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kdog
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Joined: 29 Dec 2007
Posts: 18
Location: toronto

Post Posted: 01/20/08 6:44 pm    Post subject: Jokes and Punchlines Reply with quote
A blonde goes into a laundromat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The laundromat attendant doesn’t hear her correctly and says, “Come again?”

The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, “Oh, no it’s just mustard this time.”
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jrock
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Joined: 03 Jan 2008
Posts: 28

Post Posted: 01/20/08 6:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
A man enters the hospital for a circumcision. When he comes to after the procedure, he?s perturbed to see several doctors standing around his bed.

?Son, there?s been a bit of a mix-up,? admits the surgeon. ?I?m afraid there was an accident, and we were forced to perform a sex-change operation. You now have a vagina instead of a penis.?

?What!? gasps the patient. ?You mean I?ll never experience another erection??

?Oh, you might,? the surgeon reassures him. ?Just not yours.?
________
Xz 550


Last edited by jrock on 02/25/11 1:54 am; edited 1 time in total
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jrock
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Joined: 03 Jan 2008
Posts: 28

Post Posted: 01/20/08 6:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and the talk turns to their adventures. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch. "How did you end up with the peg leg?" he asks.

The pirate replies, "I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. As my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."

"Wow!" says the seaman. "What about your hook?"

"Well," answers the pirate, "we were boarding a ship when one of the enemy hacked off my hand."

"Incredible!" says the seaman. "How?d you get the eye patch?"

"A sea gull craped in my eye," the pirate replies.

"You lost your eye to a sea gull dropping?" the seaman asks.

"Well," says the pirate, "it was my first day with the hook."
________
Drugtest


Last edited by jrock on 02/25/11 1:54 am; edited 1 time in total
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abomb
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Joined: 06 Jan 2008
Posts: 5

Post Posted: 01/20/08 6:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Oh thats funny, captain hook lol...

Muldoon lives with his dog in the countryside. When the dog dies, Muldoon goes to the parish priest. "Father, could you say a mass for the poor creature?"

The father explains, "We can’t have services for an animal in the church, but there’s a new denomination down the road. Maybe they’ll do something for him."

"Thanks," says Muldoon. "Do you think $5,000 is enough to donate for the service?"

The father replies, "Why didn’t you tell me the dog was Catholic?"
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mogule
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Joined: 07 Jan 2008
Posts: 5

Post Posted: 01/20/08 6:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
A man is walking on the beach when he trips over a lamp. A few seconds later, a genie pops out and says, "I’m required to grant three wishes, but since you did not treat my lamp with respect, I will give twice what you get to the person you hate most—your boss."

The man agrees and makes his first wish: "I want lots of money." Instantly $20 million appears in bags on the beach, and $40 million appears in his boss’ bank account.

Next the man asks for an incredible sports car. Instantly a Lamborghini appears, and at the same moment, two show up outside his boss’ house.

Finally the genie says, "You have but one wish left; you should choose carefully."

The man says, "Well, I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney." Shocked lol
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GNC
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Joined: 07 Jan 2008
Posts: 14

Post Posted: 01/20/08 6:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
A bum asks a man for two dollars.
The man says, "If I give you the money, will you just use it to buy booze?"
The bum says no.
The man asks, "Will you gamble it away?"
The bum says no.
Then the man asks, "Then will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn’t drink or gamble?"
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GNC
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Joined: 07 Jan 2008
Posts: 14

Post Posted: 01/20/08 7:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Heres a good sports joke

A man goes to the Super Bowl but his tickets are for the upper tier. He spots an open seat on the 50-yard line and grabs it.

The guy sitting next to him says, “Actually, this seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven’t been to together since we got married in 1967.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” says the first man. “Couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”

“Nope,” replies the second guy. “Everyone’s at the funeral.”
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Girving
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Joined: 08 Jan 2008
Posts: 8

Post Posted: 01/20/08 7:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Immediately after mass one Sunday morning, a man stops to shake the preacher’s hand.

“That was a goddamned fine sermon you gave today,” the man tells the preacher. “Goddamned fine!”

“Thank you, sir,” the preacher answers, “but I’d rather you didn’t use that kind of foul, blasphemous language in the Lord’s house.”

“You know, I was so goddamned impressed with that damn sermon that I put $5,000 in the goddamned offering plate!” says the man.

“No s?” says the preacher
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truth



Joined: 12 Jan 2008
Posts: 4

Post Posted: 01/20/08 8:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened.

The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied “I don't know, it all happened so fast.”
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play
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Joined: 12 Jan 2008
Posts: 9

Post Posted: 01/20/08 8:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
How do you know if your a red neck?
You go to the family reunion to find a date!
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play
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Joined: 12 Jan 2008
Posts: 9

Post Posted: 01/20/08 8:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
You so short you have to look up to look down
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tre
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Joined: 12 Jan 2008
Posts: 138

Post Posted: 01/20/08 8:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of s?
The bucket.
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tre
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Joined: 12 Jan 2008
Posts: 138

Post Posted: 01/20/08 8:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
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seth
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Joined: 23 Dec 2007
Posts: 64

Post Posted: 01/22/08 10:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Yeah lawyers are pains sometimes lol
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Arch
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Joined: 20 Jan 2008
Posts: 12

Post Posted: 01/24/08 12:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
that grandmother jokes by elen degeneres
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